Nala

This is to you.

This is to you,

you are the reason for my strength.

This is a thank you for showing me how to love, like other people don't know,

like i didn't know.

Let me say thank you,

thank you for being my pillar of strength in my times of utmost solitude.

in my times of unbearable pain.

Thank you for being my teacher.

thank you for showing me that possessions are not important.

that life is more than what people think.

thank you for opening my eyes to how a person should behave.

You taught me how to care about someone,

but not like others care,

like you care.

Its not the same because if the world ran dry, 

people like YOU would be the river that gives people hope.

The river that reminds us that our thirst can be quenched.

The kind of kindness that is so rare.

The kindness we felt as kids, before this world polluted our minds.

Can i tell you something beautiful, Fabs?

Your mind is not polluted by this world.

Your mind shines, it explodes with passion and determination.

Its beautiful.

like the sunset over Noordhoek beach.

Everyone looks and wonders how something can be so incredibly beautiful?

So intricately constructed to be a beacon of light to the world.

The sun lights up the skys relentlessly and shows us that its the beginning of a new day.

Thats what you have done for me over the past 20 years,

i wake up and i don't have to see you,

just like i dont have to see the sun, to know that it has risen.

I feel you,

i feel the love you have for the world,

the passion you have for people,

the zest you have for living 

the love you have for life.

And can i tell you somehting beautiful?

when i wake up, i feel the love you have givne me.

When people tell me i cant,

i feel your power inside me,

i see the way you handled the toughest times and i fight.

i fight for what our beautiful mother taught us.

I fight because the world cant hold anyone down.

I fight because not fighting would be to easy.

And i fight because that's what i was taught.

i have no idea of  what lies ahead,

but i do know i have you by my side,

and i hope you know i'm by yours too.

Ill never leave.

Because mom built us a home in her heart,

a home for our souls,

our minds.

I find myself in you.

and theres no one else id rather look deep into the eyes and see myself.

but more than that i see you.

I see the life you have lived and the struggled you have powered through.

i see the times you have felt alone, but you always knew you weren't.

I see the Strength of you heart.

I see moms eyes, 

i see moms kindness,

i see moms outlook on life.

i see YOUR outlook on life.

i see passion,

determination

I see a bulldozer that simply cannot be stopped, 

because nothing is stronger than an inspired mind.

I see my childhood in your eyes,

i see our good times and our bad times.

i see all the lesson you have taught me.

i see the tough times,

i see the tears 

But i also see the lion inside of you.

The predator,

hungry for more,

hungry for thrill and adventure,

the lion that cant be tamed,

don't hold it in,

set it free.

Because a soul like yours, will never venture this earth again.

Thank you for teaching me 

guiding me.

Thank you for being the Lion i look at with admiration,

The lion that everyone knows is different,

The lion i hope to roar like one day.

The lion i love with my whole existence.

The only lion that will be in my pride for the rest of my life.

thank you for everything. 

Draft

Here we are.

Once again faced with life and its relentless pounding,

faced with the harsh beatings of life.

Down on your knees, the blood runs thin from the constant wear.

your elbows battered from the constant falling.

your arms trembling from all the times that they have tried to lift up that heavy,

heavy

heavy body.

Your legs are aching.

Your shins are bruised,

your hands are grazed from helping you stop the fall.

But your hands can only do so much.

What happens when the cuts get too deep and you cant use your hands to block the fall?

what happens when your legs are too weak to stand up again?

What happens when your body is too tired and it would just be easier to maybe,

not

get 

up?

i can tell you two options.

One - you stay down.

You give into the comfort of being on the floor, 

the ease of not having the struggle to get back up.

You allow your body,

 your battered elbows and scraped knees,

to get used to the ground.

Let them heal, but not grow,

Let the blood clot.

let the cuts close.

let the door close.

throw in the towel?

The infamous white flag.

If thats you, then Listen.

There is another option.

Theres a real tough choice to make.

Because this path is going to be harder.

Your knees?

They will be raw to the bone,

you hands will be covered in your struggle.

Your legs and arms are numb,

but,

Your mind will be rich in hope,

your soul will be alive in power,

and if you are strong enough,

You are strong enough.

you are.

You wont let anything keep you down.

Your sore knees will get scraped a hundred more times getting up,

But that moment, 

that one moment when your knees straighten and your hands push off that floor.

Your body feels as alive as your soul.

And the power you have inside you,

deep deep inside.

Says fuck it.

Fuck it to not standing tall.

Your soul overcomes everything,

your mind, 

The force of gravity that was holding you down.

is obliterated by the immense strength of ones self.

ill finish this another time.

Fuck it.

Fuck the way the world is

People are.

Put others first. 

Make sure peoples hearts are safer than yours.

Who gives a fuck anyways? 

You just the guy that tried,

But didn't quite get there.

Didn't quite fit in.

Didn't really make the cut.

Maybe you not good enough?

Maybe you not crazy enough?

Fuck it. 

To you.

My brother, who put your heart out.

Who put out your hand and kept it there,

No matter how many times it's been left to hover in the cold air.

Here's to you my friend.

Who while you hurting,

You make sure others aren't.

Don't keep it in, it builds

And builds

And builds,

Like an anthill in the dust,

The forces of self doubt and anger,

Like thousands of worker ants

Building their temple.

Their mountain of anger inside your heart.

Don't let them.

Don't let the disrupting darkness get to you:

My brother, you are strong.

You are to good to be put second.

For the amount you try, 

The amount you give out your hand.

It should be permanent held, 

By another hand that is lingering in the mist.

The must will clear.

The darkness will become light.

The smell of  rot will be replaced with that of fresh lavender.

Hold on.

Grip tight.

Hold on for dear life.

Hold onto the pole, your foundation.

As life blows like a never ending storm.

Tornados.

Whirlwinds. 

A wind that will sweep you away.

Hold onto what you believe. 

Grip it.

Don't let go.

Hold onto your life,

The people you hold close.

Let te bruises, the scars show your journey.

Let the hard calluses on your hands show the people . 

That you hold on through the strongest of storms.

Let the blood, from your worn fingers,

Show the world that you are a fighter.

Let the hope in your eyes 

The strength in your eyes.

Shine like a beacon.

Show the world that your hands will Heal.

The cuts will close.

But the scars will remain.

The scars that tell a thousand tales.

The scars that say I didn't give up.

Be proud of your wounds,

The wounds you got while at war with the world.

Wash the blood off your hands.

And all that remain are the same hands,

The hard,fatigued hands.

That taught you how to fight.

That taught you how to fight

That taught you how to fight

One of the worst things in this world is feeling like we aren't enough.

We aren't enough for someone,

Something.

We arent tall enough,

Pretty enough,

Wild enough.

The feeling of hopelessness.

The feeling of emptiness and self doubt,

It's that feeling you get when you put out your all,

But it isn't appreciated,

Your endless trying is not acknowledged.

The way you try your best.

But still it isn't good enough.

One day the person will come along that appriciates,

The person that will say our good is better than the worlds best.

Out average is better than the worlds best.

And our best? 

That person will understand.  

Till then, try your best.

Show people that endless attempts do not mean failure.

Show the world that every time the tide rises to kiss the shore,

She gets chased away,

Only to try again  in a couple of hours time.

Be a beacon of hope.

Try.

Try 

And try again.

If you fail 100 times and try again you haven't failed,

It's when you stop trying,

When the world makes you cold,

That you fail.

I speak for those whose words go unheard,

Who's voices are muted,

Who's pages go unturned.

Who's screams get muffled by society.

This is to you.

To you who put others before yourself.

To try and break the vicious cycle the world has encrypted in our minds.

Here's to the optimistic, 

Who's views ate of outmost ecstacy.

Who's conspiracy is above mediocrity.

Who believes others are irriplaceable.

Untouchable.

Surreal.

Special.

Here's to the guy who took the pain.

Here's to him who withheld his tears.

To the guy who finishes last.

It's incomprehensible,

That in this world of bendable,breakable rules,

People are afraid to step out and put someone else first.

Attempt it.

Let that lifestyle consume you.

Let your life manifest a collage if selflessness.

Do not be a slave to the illusion that your existence is the conclusion.

Let your existence,

Your presence be a relentless beacon shifting with what seems like the solution,

Relive the world of this hate, of this mental pollution.

Put people before yourself.

But don't forget what you worth.

Respect all but grovel to none

Have no where to run.

Trapped in a cage I'm forced to call home,

I leave myself at the foot of the door,

Inside the house enters a clone,

Because the real me can't anymore.

I'm trapped with a family I didn't choose,

People with whom I'd love to aquaint 

The despair is hidden like base on a bruise,

And they bite, like a fish on bait.

I need a place to go, a place to run.

Where I can be free from this pessimistic view

I need a stronghold,somewhere or someone,

Because it's easier to conquer in two.

I need someone to confide in,

More than a page on the internet.

I need a place that will let my soul sing,

I need a home that sees no debt.

I love to write.

I really do.

It gives me a place to run,

When I have nowhere to run to.

I'm struggling a bit lately.

I think I'm missing home.

I'm scared for a lot of things.

Things I can't write about,

If you ask,

I'll tell you.

I'm sitting here under the sun and a beautiful

Blue sky.

Yet I think I'd be more in peace in

The storm.

The howling south Easter

The blue ocean

The majestic mountains. 

What do I have to go back to?

Not much hey?

It's weird I find so much comfort in a place,

That even when I'm there,

I struggle to call home.

I need to start building something for myself.

Of myself.

I need to make a home

I miss it.

I miss having a place were you can lie your head 

and feel completely at rest.

Barry road was that for me.

My mom was that for me.

I can't wait for the day I don't have to worry.

For the day I get to come home to my beautiful wife.

To my kids.

To my home.

My family will be my world.

To the woman who I'll one day marry,

I can't wait.

I'll look you in the eyes every day and tell you what you mean to me.

I'll tell you I love you .

I'll show you I love you.

 But till then,

I'll start my journey. 

I'll start now so that when that day comes.

I can spend my hard earned money on you,

On that diamond ring.

Fuck .

Those are some weird things to write about.

Hahaha

Sometimes I just feel like writing.

I feel like letting go of what's on my chest.

Writing for me is a release,

Drawing is a release.

It's time I have by myself that no one can intervene.

I don't know what to write about. 

I don't have a clue.

I don't know what to draw.

I don't know what to say it think.

My minds in a crazy place at the moment.

Not a horrible crazy,

But not a good crazy either.

So much has been happening,

Feelings have shot into my heart,

That I didn't think would.

It's weird what life does to is.

As soon as we start to get a feeling of comfort with our surroundings,

Life reminds us that we aren't in control.

This time it was a good reminder,

A reminder that it's not over,

A reminder of what it's like to have soemeone by your side .

A reminder that not all hope is lost,

But with the ever changing winds,

Life takes and gives and takes and gives. 

It's beautiful really.

We need to look deeper than we do.

We need to look at the good things that we take for granted.

We need to have an optimistic look on this life of ours.

As soon as you see the good in the bad,

You start to have a different outlook on life.

An outlook wich is so rare.

I wish I had it.

I wish I could always see the positive in situations.

If I try,

I can. 

But that's with anything,

Put enough time and though into something and you see the good.

The thing is that with some people.

Yes, you.

It's easy,

It's easy to not see flaws because the good is overwhelming,

Overflowing.

The flaws are transparent,

Useless. 

Why see the bad, when there's so much good.

Don't look for the bad, 

The more you look,

The more you will allow it to manifest your life, 

And outlook on life.

Good things come with time they say.

I agree,they do.

But I believe great things are spontaneous.

Things that happen all of a sudden,

Things you don't expect,

Those are the ones that will keep a spot in your mind forever.

Because the longer you wait,

The more you expect.

Someone tell me what to draw, 

I feel like drawing.

I know what I feel like drawing,

I feel like drawing the memories I have in my mind,

I'm a dreamer I'm afraid you will find.

And as I drift away, and my mind flies,

I see my reflection in those big,beautiful brown eyes.

I don't know how much one can handle

sometimes I believe we can handle everything we handed,

at other times I believe things break us,

things that shatter our hearts and souls,

leave us on our knees facing this harsh, cruel world.

facing society.

the same society that makes us believe that the only way of life is to follow the crowd.

 

I have felt pain,

I have felt hurt.

but I don't believe that those things are more powerful than happiness.

but sometimes, as much as I want to believe,

I don't know.

 

some things scar us,

leave a mark on our hearts,

some things have brought so much pain and hurt that we cant forget,

we can learn,

yes.

but learning does not make us forget,

learning doesn't get rid of that scar.

I don't get this.

 

 

 

One day,

one day I will join a pride.

that's my dream.

to join nature

not society.

i cant stand the image people portray.

I want the beauty of the morning sun on my cold face,

the whole, natural sun,

not disturbed by the city lights.

 

I want to wake up free of judgment,

sorrow,

worry.

I want to wake up with the fresh air,

not polluted by the hurdles that get thrown in our paths.

 

 



hero

People think they know.

they think they know the situation we in

the things we feel

and when we feel them.

The reality is no one does.

From the people you live with,

to the people you spend all your time with.

i wish people knew what my heart felt like,

and the simple things they could do.

But no one does and i dont expect them to.

So much pain,

hurt,

sorrow,

tears,

thoughts,

questions that remain unanswered.

People dont know.

not a clue.

people dont look at me and say

'last year he lost his world,

he lost his joy,his home,

last year he lost his strength,

his light,he lost something he thought he could never live without,

he lost a part of him,he lost the one who would cheer his heart,

he lost the one who would give up the world for him.'

Well thats what i lost.

i lost everything i knew.

Life changed at an instant.

People were there for me for a while,

things changed again and people left.

meanwhile the pain in my heart?

it stays.

its here.

I dont look for pitty,

compassion or anything like that.

i just need a place to run to.

im not strong,

im not a hero.

nowhere is home.

hard life

haven't written anything for a while.

here it goes.

Living life you encounter people

you get to know some,

but really get to know few.

When you love someone,

you are open to learn,explore and try new things.

You are able to share different,new emotions.

most of all you get to see different perspectives

and how ones life has rough patches and beautiful patches.

you get someone by your side to stand with,

and lean on when you down,

cry on when you sad,

laugh with when you happy.

But the most beautiful thing is  not receiving these things ,

but being able to supply another human

another heart

another soul

with the same comfort you feel when they hold you.

life is not easy.

nope.

not easy at all.

and sometimes we fall

and feel like we cant get back up.

The funny thing is that, there is a thing called

Hope.

and hope allows us to get back up

if not,

it allows us to see further,to a brighter time,

and give us the strength to crawl

on our hands and knees until we can get up,

stand tall as we once were.

In life we are bound to fall,

but are not bound to stay fallen,

because no matter how tough a situation

we can rise.

We find strength deep inside,and hope

and we rise,

like grass Slowly creeping towards the sky,

through the cracks of a heavy,black,tarred road.

we find a way.

Nothing is more potent than you.

nothing can hold down something that keeps standing back up.

Losing my mom?

Hardest thing I have had to deal with.

that was hard

living in this world without her takes courage,

it takes guts

and strength.

But those are all things that she taught me as i grew up,

i wanted to be like her.

I want to be like her.

She did not leave me empty handed

she left me things i am forever grateful for,

and that i will cherish forever. 

the strength i need to live without her?

we all have it.

 deep down inside.

we are not often driven to look for it,

but if you do look for it,

its there.

i promise.

i didnt know i had it,

i still dont...

but i somehow manage,

and thats how i know its there.

break

sometimes I think we need a break.

we need to run to a place we feel free

where there are no expectations,

no thoughts

Just time you have for yourself and no one else.

Being with people is good

but time alone is precious.

Silence is golden and the state of mind where you are happy alone,

is a good one.

Because when you happy alone,

your happiness does not rely on anyone.

The ocean is my break from the world.

The world holds me,

the people in it,seem to manipulate my thoughts,

my mind.

As soon as I get in the water,

the chains are broken,

I'm no longer a slave of the things around me,

but I'm a loyal servant to the ocean.

It owns me,

with permission to.

Its the freedom I ask for ,

and how lucky am I to receive it?

Hollow

trying to describe a barrel seems merely impossible.

the feeling you get

when you in.

and never want to leave.

water rushing above your head.

surging from beneath you.

you feel the ocean

you feel the passion

you feel the joy.

You forget.

You  are in absolute bliss.

Nothing matters.

Nothing.

the sight of the water closing you in

the ocean swallowing you.

The endless colours that find a spot in your mind.

After one.

You're hooked,and its never enough.

The pure stoke when you make it,

and the gift that the ocean has given you,cannot be compared to anything.

Because that moment was what you have been waiting for.

and there will never be another like it. 

strength

So many times life catches you by surprise and you don't know what to do

or where you are.

All you know is where you want to be.

Living isn't easy,nothing is easy.

Yet we seem to have an internal strength that comes out when we need it.

A part of us we know exists,yet we don't see often.

Its the part that at that low point its says to you

You can do it

Keep going

You will make it.

And that is what helps us make it through another day.

When we are broken we will heal,

for if something is broken,how can it break more?

it will only heal.

When something is at the bottom,it has nowhere to go,

but up.

When life throws you down,its a challenge,

and if you don't accept it and take the challenge,

No one loses,but you.

When your heart is in pain and it feels like the world is over, that's when its real.

All we have to do is take it,even better,Hit it back.

Look for the good things.

Don't hold the bad,for it harms no one but the holder.

Life isn't easy.

But easy isn't an option.

If it were,everyone would take it,and no ones characters would be moulded.

People with strong hearts

powerful souls and wise minds,

would be empty.

Strength does not come from ease,

it comes form hard times we have no controll over,

and the only option you have?

Be strong.

That shows us who we really are.

I believe people have the potential to achieve anything,

because impossible is a word only a coward will use.

ocean

That feeling when your foot hits the water

and you think to yourself,

its good to be home.

As you paddle out over the now foaming yet once majestic waves,

that the the ocean throws at you,

and you forced to make that first duck-dive,

The cold one.

although that's the one that warms you up the most.

The feeling of sitting at backline

where the ocean is calm and your only worry?

Who is going to get the next wave.

Peacefully time passes as you forget about your earthly problems,

and find happiness,

true happiness.

When you remember nothing but the things you need,

the things you want.

The absolute bliss of being in the ocean.

The Power,

The Beauty,

The Unpredictability,

The Danger,

The Passion.

Want to go up the weskus.

mmm

looks like i'm going up soon.

frothing

Frothing for a surf today,so many options!!!

Got my drivers yesterday.

feels like freedom.

love the feeling of being able to go where you feel

when you want.

the price of petrol?

too much.

good day of surfing with two good friends in good heavy waves.

Loving it.

Ill spend my days

chasing sunlight

Loving life.

surfed this place,4days in a row

last day

6 hours,uncrowded,only the faces of friends

sharing waves

frothing

enjoying.

Living

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